Held

I was woken by my son at 5.30 this morning, and after settling him and going back to bed, I was drifting towards sleep when I heard my phone buzz next to me. I knew only Master would sms me at that time of the morning, so I roused myself enough to read what it said: "Glad to see you are beginning to realise just how much I know you."

It was perfect timing. I was just awake enough to read it, then fall back asleep with a smile on my face and into a stunning dream about his hands, larger than life, not just touching me but going right through me and knowing me inside and out.

Now, today, I felt that wonderful, warm, confined, enslaved feeling again. I had to laugh at myself - the experience that brought it on wasn't even real, lol...

But in a way, it is real - he knows me so intimately that I have trouble believing it possible. Right from the beginning, he has seemed to understand me completely. A part of me just can't accept that - surely its all in my mind? But time and again, he proves its not. It doesn't make sense, but its true.

Its also true that I don't like people to know me too well. I think I've written this before, but even my closest friends are around for years before I let them know much about me at all. I like to keep me to myself. Why? Control, I guess. Less risk. Less chance of showing weakness. But with Master, I am ultimately vulnerable, and it feels good. Scary, but good. And it doesn't make me weak, it makes me strong.