Expecting to give
Twice now I have been asked - once by Sir J, now also by Betty - "Does he love you?" The first time my answer surprised me, and I wondered if it was just the moment. But last night, the second time I was asked, the answer was still the same. First of all, I don't know. Second, and more importantly, I don't need to know.
There is no reason why he should love me, and, if he did, there is no reason why he should tell me, or why I would ask. I love him, and that means he owns me more completely. I don't need him to love me in return, I only need him to accept my love - and me.
Humans like to think that when we love someone, we need to possess them. The truth is that loving someone means that they possess us. For the first time in my life I'm really able to embrace that - to say I will continue to love you, Sir, without expecting anything in return. I guess thats what "unconditional" means.
1 comment:
That's such a gift you give your Master then nadi....to give him your love....with no thought to what he may do with it.
...in the same way you give him your body to do with it what he will.
My fears nebulize around the use of the 'l' word aren't so much to do with the conotation of possession but more with reciprocation.
What if i allow myself to give voice to my love....but not hear that i am loved in return?
Therin lies many fears.
A couple of months ago i did gather the courage to voice my love with no expectation of having it returned.
Instead it was greeted with words that brought tears to my ears..."thank you for loving me..."
The words melted my fear - i did not know if my love was reciprocated - but suddenly it did not matter because my gift & declaration were acknowledged as a gift given & appreciated.
Actually i think we are saying the same thing.....lol
sista
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