A lesson

It is a rare experience for me to be punished by my Master. But last night was such an occasion, and rightly so - I had been very thoughtless. It was a brief lapse of obedience, but a significant one, and I am disappointed in myself.

He made sure I understood what I had done, in a most creative fashion, saying he wanted to be sure I would remember the lesson, in a way that a traditional flogging could not ensure. Probably wise, among other reasons because I have asked for some pain recently, so that would have been too much like a reward. As it was, I can't deny that I did get some pleasure from being punished, as he was well aware. Don't misunderstand: it was unpleasant, and I felt dirty and ashamed at having disappointed him. But I also knew it was deserved, and for that I wanted it. And a part of me felt aroused and satisfied at being reminded of my place. There is a definite comfort that I take from being disciplined: the fact that he bothers to correct me, putting thought into making sure I learn, assures me that I am valued by him. I feel secure to know that he considers me worthy of being taught to avoid future mistakes.

I certainly didn't screw up intentionally, and I would be disgusted with myself if I ever did. His disappointment is not worth it, and I know that if I ever feel the need for a reminder, or a physical act of discipline, I need not misbehave, only ask. If I deserve a reward, I will receive it.