Love and cake

I don't know if its something in the stars, something about the end of the year approaching, or just chance... but it seems like everyone I know is having a crisis in some way or another lately. Death, separation, reassessment, breakdown.... but mainly the stuff that's far too complicated to mention. These are times when you find yourself deep in shit, like it or not - and the only options are drown in it or swim in it.

Master has had quite a share of it lately, and while it would be inappropriate for me to give details, it takes its toll. Without diminishment, I feel for him - as a small, helpless animal feels for her owner who may be powerful, but not invulnerable. When Master suffers stress, it feels like the only thing I can offer is my loyalty - so having been near him for the last two nights has been the simplest of blessings. I don't know if it helps him, but being able to give him something that he wants makes me feel a little less powerless against his strain.

I have been feeling the pressure, too - but I've also never felt so looked after. Following the surrender I made the other week, I was unsteady. But telling Master my worries, everything became calm and clear... my fears disintegrated into trust. There is nothing at all like being with someone who truly understands you... enough to feel comfort in the presence of your darkest thoughts.

And today, I was having a bad day at work. One of the worst. And just as I was wishing I'd stayed at home, a card arrived, from my beautiful Sista, and her Max, brightening my day. Making me feel lucky, amongst the shit.