Being natural

The day I met Master, he could see my awful potential, and he asked if I had ever been abused. A common enough assumption - how else does a person learn to treat themselves this way? I told him the truth, that as far as I'm aware, I never have been. He said that he suspected I was simply a natural.

I still vividly remember, at age 15, lying on the beach on a warm night, surrounded by boys. Hands stroking my thighs, massaging my shoulders, creeping towards my chest... a mouth on my neck... intoxicated with alcohol, THC, and exploitation. Had I had the comfort then that I do now, I might have said, use me.... abuse me...

Last night Master was fucking me and sinking his teeth into my skin while I shuddered and asked for him to draw my blood. He smiled and said "you are extreme, aren't you, babe?" and I felt myself relax and open up even more to him, from the peace in knowing that, under him, "extreme" is an OK thing to be. He started slapping me, making the tears come, with that beautiful release of endorphins that sends me to another world of bliss... the high of my body's natural chemicals, the pain, and the freedom of what it means to ride with it, whatever he may do to me. Afterwards, he let me fall straight to sleep, and I sunk into a heavy ecstasy, thinking, I could just die from this feeling....

When I was 8 or so, I wrote a fantasy that began with a boy from my classroom touching me, accidentally at first, then progressing to forcing me down while he stripped off my clothes. It ended in a frenzied gang rape by about 20 boys - despite the fact that I had little understanding of how sex was done, I knew even then that I wanted it forced on me, that I wanted to be mistreated and used. To my great shame, my mother found the story and was understandably horrified. I thought it best to hide my fantasies from then on.

Master has taught me to let go of so much inhibition, and to be so free from shame. If an abused victim can spend years exploiting their own body, and then learn to let go and treat themselves with love and care, then why not the reverse? Why not a born slut who has become repressed and ashamed, learning to let go and love expressing who they always wanted to be?